I’m really worried. I looked at myself in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. “How can you possibly say that, you’re beautiful!?” you cry, bewildered, but let me finish. I’ve become a parody of my former self, a disgusting amalgamation of everything I claim to dislike. I now do two sports a week- boxing on Mondays and football on Wednesdays, and have been giving serious thought to stepping boxing up to twice a week. My body grows fitter and more muscular day by day. All this testosserone has also meant I’ve been working hard on a cool project I set up at work doing the interiors to a big new apartment complex in the
I’ll tell you something else- I’m genuinely afraid that I’ll lose my driving licence too. All this driving sober means I tend to do burn outs and slide my car round corners all over the place, whereas half cut I’m the most courteous and law-abiding driver you’ll ever be let out by.
Normally when I go boozing I have a table of wide-eyed
I tell you, it’s a slippery slope I’m sliding up. Id better snap out of it soon, to which end I’m getting a load of people and narcotics together this weekend and letting them get to know each other. It’s my last hope.
Like I say I’m really worried. I hate it. What the hell is wrong with me? One day Ill wake up and Ill have a beautiful house and a beautiful wife and Ill say to myself "How did I get here?"
3 comments:
You Logic makes me feel like a dick
I worry...I worry about not having enough money, I worry about the ever increasing size of the bald bit on the top of my head, I worry that maybe I'll have retarded kids, I worry that my life is only going to get more boring and I will turn in to all the things I despise. Maybe that's why I am loosing my hair, worrying about all these things I have no control over. My thoughts on Global warming yeah we are fucked as we're all slowly starting to realise, but what can a single man do? Nothing that's what, absolutely fuck all, we may as well not bother. All this shit about make sure your TV is off make sure you only boil the right amount of water, turn your heating down a couple degrees its all rubbish the Chinese population is app 1,321,851,888 compared with the UK population of 60,776,238 what chance has this little island got in making any difference?
So your sitting at home cold with half a mug of tea, you get up to switch the plug on to your TV, you sort all your rubbish in to disgusting little piles like some kind of Stigg of the dump and you drive to your shitty job in a shitty Smart car. Then as if by magic all your hard work is undone by some Chinese guy who has just purchased himself a top of the range air con unit because for the first time in his life he has a few pennies to rub together. And can we blame him? No... how dare you blame him, poor fuck has no doubt worked his little yellow arse off to get where he is today, and the funny thing is he just wants to be like you.
So what to do? Can we stop it? No we cant ... Is there an underlying conspiracy and global warming is just a part of a government scheme to make people pay more tax? I think not but it does act as an excuse. Now I'm not blaming the Chinese, or the Indians or even the Americans its the human condition we can do nothing about. So take the catalytic converter off your car, leave your TV and heating on when you go out do what ever the fuck you like it will make no difference and the sooner this county realises this the better. Don't get me wrong I love the little feeling you get when you have " done your bit" "eco warrior! Today I walked to work" to be honest I live 3 miles from work and everyday I start up my sports car and drive it as hard as I can all the way there and back, I have never walked and never will. . . It about time the people of England said a big fuck you to the rest of the world and do what we like because we are too small to do anything constructive about it.
FYI Catfacecat
There is a story i would like to share with you in relation to your current "crisis" of direction.
It's about this guy called catfacecat who was walking along this sandy beach where thousands of starfish had been washed up on to shore. The starfish were struggling to survive and there were hundreds of thousands of them, beyond what the human eye could physically be capable of seeing. This guy called catfacecat thought to himself "theres so many starfish here - just dying - whats the fucking point in trying to save a few of them if i can't possibly save them all". Catfacecat decided upon this logic not to do a fucking thing because of his new found wisdom. After walking past a few more hundred dying starfish without a care in the world, he came across this random pornstar called 24maleUK. This gay pornstar with a fetish for onions was busy throwing starfish into the water. Catfacecat said to this pornstar - "what the fuck are you doing you stupid gay filthy pornstar. How do you think you are gonna make a real difference? You're just one gay filthy pornstar who isn't all that perfect anyway, you can't save them all, can you!" The filthy imperfect pornstar turned round, picked up a starfish off the beach and threw it into the water. "Just made a difference to that sexy starfish". 24maleUK then said to catfacecat - "i know that im just a jiggilo who is no mother teresa by any means, but that doesn't mean i can't save a few sexy starfish whilst im around". Catfacecat thought about the new world philosophy for a minute, spoke about it later with a friend, and forgot about it the next day whilst zooming down a residential street as he attempted to use pedestrians to slow him down.
Fuck the starfish. Oh wait, you do!
Post a Comment